My secret life of indiscreet discretions

My first day doing computer work for boss lady went great. She had a major breakdown of her ancient DSL modem and I got to spend hours on the phone with tech support (some good, some bad). She was happy I was there to handle it, and I took care of a lot of other things with ease and efficiency. It was fun. Strange to be back at the Windows command prompt trying to figure shit out, but not so much has changed. The good tech support guy said he'd try to go a little faster to keep up with me. ;)


I got home early and spent some time with the kidlets before they went to their dad's house, then Trey and I walked the dogs downtown for an hour or so of beer and air hockey, or so we thought.

Right as we got there, Trey went inside and I stayed outside to finish my smoke. Some dumbass guy and three female friends of his were coming out of the bar, and he was actually talking shit about my boy! Saying how he was such a fucking hippie, and always acted so much better than him and wouldn't ever acknowledge him, stuff like that, but in a really whiny voice. "I'm so much better than you because I work at the Co-op and I'm a fucking hippie," stuff like that. I was going to just let it go, but then one of the ladies fell in love with my dogs and they were standing right there with this guy going on and on (his friends were basically ignoring him). I finally stepped out from the shadows and said, "He's not a fucking hippie. That's my boy, bitch!"

We had a rather good natured conversation after that, in which the guy stated that he was "just butthurt" because he feels like he always tries to reach out to Trey because he seems like a really cool guy, but Trey doesn't talk to him. He said it seemed like Trey didn't like him at all. I said perhaps he has a good reason for that! I then explained that it's hard working in such a social place, and that Trey doesn't talk to a lot of people, but often has quiet mutual appreciation for others, and that maybe he should try rocking that vibe. I also told him that he was taking the whole thing WAY too personally. It was actually a decent conversation, and funny as hell to bust someone like that.


My new friend Reina was hanging out at Rumors yesterday evening, and I'd invited her over to the Beav to meet the dogs and say hello. She came in and hung out with us (over another pitcher), then her friend Sarah showed up and we all hung out for a while (over another pitcher). It was really fun! Not quite what I was expecting for the evening, but very enjoyable.

I've been talking to Reina a lot over the past week or so and it was good for Trey to get a chance to hang out with her in person, since they only knew each other in that quiet mutual appreciation way I mentioned earlier. Her friend Sarah was a real kick too. I think Reina was surprised by how quickly we hit it off, talking nonstop for the first ten minutes of our acquaintance.

Sarah says she wants to learn how to knit and by god I hope she's serious. Bitches keep talking about wanting to learn but nobody has taken me up on my offer for free knitting lessons. I want to share the knitting love! It'd be fun to hang out with Sarah some more too. Reina said she might want to get in on the knitting lessons action too.


Today is going to be full and weird. The kids aren't coming here at all because they have sudden dentist appointments right as school gets out (due to cancellations), so their dad is picking them up straight from school. I'm really glad I got to see them unexpectedly yesterday afternoon.

I have some housework to do, some herbal salve to thicken, a hot bath to take, maybe some pin curls to set, then wine to drink, conversation to have, a quick break, then back out for more at my favorite night out in my favorite out bar. I have no idea what to wear tonight.

Well I finally gave in and got a Facebook. I like LJ better, but not all my friends use it and I enjoy keeping in touch with people I know. I'm going to try real hard to not add every fucking person I've ever met, including all Trey's Co-op people and his family and shit like that.

I've already gotten in touch with a couple of people that I've been missing, so it's good.

I also put my relationship status as in an open relationship with Trey. When he confirmed that we were in a relationship, it switched his status to also being in an open relationship. He has family on his FB. We talked about it and he's comfortable with it. He's always been himself with his family, even if that includes things they don't understand. It's kind of funny to me that I outed him.

My family still doesn't know a lot of stuff about me like that, because it's never really come up. I've not been in a relationship with a woman long enough to come out as bi, and I'm not in touch with my family enough for them to need to know that I'm in an open relationship or anything. I kind of wish I'd had the opportunity to "come out," but whatever. It's not like I'm hiding anything.


The kids have no school today, so it's a party at my house. I have a lot of work to do to catch up after my lazy weekend and to prepare for the coming week, since I'm working on Tuesday and on Sunday. Mondays and Wednesdays during the day are going to be my only productive days alone at home, so I have to make the most of them.

On Wednesday evening, I have a wine date with a friend who I met on OK Cupid. It's nothing romantic, but I think he could be a good friend. He's an older man who is new to poly relationships, is a serious gardener, and has set up his yard as his vision of "boy heaven" for his twin eight year old boys. He's also a food activist, a very analytical and open minded man, and just generally cool. He has already invited my family to come out to one of his dinner parties, and I could see us really enjoying that. I am looking forward to meeting him.

Later on Wednesday I will be going out to Rumors, as usual, and if I'm lucky, I may get to take a lovely lady for a walk with my dogs afterward.
 

The boy and I met up with Carol and Eric for some drinks last night. We were going to go to Jalapeños, then maybe the Beav, but Jalapeños was packed, so we started at the Beav. Then somehow I HAVE NO IDEA FOR WHAT REASON NO REALLY we ended up at Rumors, which was surprisingly cool for a Saturday night.

The bar staff was surprised to see me but treated my friends and I like royalty. We even danced some! Not what I was expecting, and I was overdressed for it (and had crappy hair), but it was fun nonetheless. I believe a good time was had by all, and I didn't get too drunk, which was nice. Eric likes to keep the beer flowing, so I have to watch myself around him.


I have so much more to say about oh just everything, but I'm going to hold my tongue for now.
 

Yesterday was a full and wonderful day. I had a great morning with the kids getting ready for school, for starters. We've been having more and more of those, a concerted effort that is paying off beautifully.

I had a meeting with boss lady at 10:00 a.m., then a day of weaving. Everything went great. Just as I suspected, I get to work however much I want, whenever I want, and pick and choose my tasks. The computer stuff she needs done is all fun and easy stuff. I thought I might be maintaining orders and shit like that, but no. She's starting to sell stuff on Etsy and wants me to photograph her stuff and maintain the listings. She also wants me to publish blog content to her website, but she'll supply the text. She has a few databases that need to be maintained too. Simple stuff. The only down side is I'm going to be working on Windows again, but whatever.

After our meeting I wove really fucking fast. Everything just came together beautifully. I made $80 in 5.5 hours. I like doing piece work. I'll still be paid for my weaving by the foot, but any other tasks I do there will be hourly.

I busted ass to get out of there so that I could see the kids before their dad picked them up. I got home in plenty of time, and enjoyed the little monkeys. After that, the boy and I went to the Beav for some air hockey, did some grocery shopping, and came home to eat. I tried to eat, but had to be content with a satsuma last night. At least my appetite is improving at last, and I'm able to eat proper meals most days of the week. It will do, for now.

Later that night I went out to Rumors to meet up with Malia and friends. Turns out there were a LOT of wonderful people out. One of Malia's dear old friends and my dear new friend Tasha was out, with her brother-from-another-mother Marshall. They were lovely, stimulating company. I was also blessed with the company of one of my favorite bar staff on her off night, Reina. She's awesome. I spent much of the night talking with her, and texted her some once I got home. She's athletic, handy, likes good wholesome healthy food, and is just generally darling.

Then I took the dogs out for walks, first Samson, then Cisco and Kaia. I was out until 4:00 a.m. with the dogs. I woke today tired and happy and a bit hung over, but was able to relax all day until the kids got home. Malia came by to get her hair buzzed (it grows really fast). She got to pick up River from the school bus with me, then listen to him tell us about his day with the cutest hiccups ever punctuating his story.

It has been a good couple of days.


 

I have been wanting to install some kind of skirt guard on my bicycle ever since I saw one. I ride my bike in a skirt most of the time, and many of them are long enough to get caught on my tire and drawn up into my rear brake, especially my petticoats.

If I have panniers on my rack, they block my skirt from the brakes, but it sucks to put two big bags on your bike just to keep your skirt clean. Now that I have the B.O.B. trailer, I am especially reticent to carry bags for no good reason.

I've always been drawn to string skirt guards, which have been around for a long time, like the one shown in this illustration.

There are some ideas for fabric skirt guards too, like this one, but I don't think tulle and zip ties will hold up to my rugged cycling lifestyle. I think the nylon string and metal findings I used are better suited to me. I also prefer the simplified aesthetic of the string skirt guard.

I don't have the kind of sturdy metal wrap around fenders nor the clearance between my fenders and tires needed to do a string skirt guard off the fender. I had some ideas on how to modify the idea to my bike, so this weekend, we picked up hardware and I got to work.



I used a big washer, a link that screws closed, a large metal ring, and some black nylon cording. I put the hardware on where my rack attaches to my bike. I looped the cording through the metal ring and along the length of my rack and rack attachment hardware. It was a bit of a pain threading everything, but it works GREAT, and cost me $5 or so to do.

( close up of the hardware )

I love it!
 

I planted some pansies in pots today. The herb garden is starting to wake up. I see mint, anise hyssop, chamomile, oregano, summer savory, thyme, chives, catnip, and lavender all putting on growth. The peach tree, blueberry bushes, fig trees, and plum tree are all budding. It's going to be time to plant peas soon! In fact, I have a few that didn't take last fall that already sprouted and are about an inch tall. :)

I love the possibilities of early spring. Going back into the growing season feels like coming home.


Trey and I are spending the day at home working on various tasks. We have some cleaning projects we've been putting off that we're at least putting a dent into today. We are also going to work on some bike projects, including trying to mod Victorian string skirt guard plans to my bike frame. We're hoping we have enough energy come nightfall to take the dogs for a long walk.

Tomorrow, I simply must knit, cook some food for the coming week, and catch up on my correspondence. I might also take the dogs out with a friend.
 

We got the B.O.B. trailer today! We were going to pick it up on Wednesday, but the guy had to reschedule. He said he'd consider it sold to us, though, and held it until this morning. He used to race bicycles for ten years, and got the trailer as a freebie, so he was selling it for cheap, he just wanted it to be used. Score!

I just took it out for its virgin ride. It tracks like a DREAM! I kept looking back and being half surprised that it was even behind me. I can't wait to ride with it fully loaded. I need to get a different axle/hitch for my road bike, but that's no big deal. We are also going to need to get the longer fork in order to fit it onto Trey's bikes, but that was expected.



In other news, we had a super fun and full night at a family party last night!

Some friends of ours who live around the corner threw a potluck for families in the neighborhood last night. It was SO FUN. I was tired, and Trey had a soccer game, and Riv has been fussy lately, so I wasn't sure if we were going to go, but I am really glad we did. There were some new neighbors we'd never met before, some others who we know well and some who we don't. The couple who lives nearby whose business is Uprising Seeds came with their son, which was cool because I'd never met them in person, though they'd googled their company and come upon a blog post I'd made mentioning them, ha.

There was a gaggle of kids playing heartily, and the adults ate food and talked. There was some good food there too! I brought collard wraps, which went over very well. Our friend Holly (who brought a delightful and inspiring quinoa salad) played piano and sang, and proved herself quite the chanteuse! The more I know about her and her darling girls, the more I like her, and I've always liked her. I totally bonded with her daughter Ella last night, who is in River's class.

At the end of the night the kids decided to go play outside. I went out to play too and keep an eye on things. It was 8:00, dark, and still fairly warm. The kids ran around, took turns on the swing hanging from the tree, climbed the tree (sometimes a bit high, but I climbed up too and spotted the younger ones), hula hooped, and took turns trying to wake up the chickens. I can't even tell you how beautiful it was there in the dark, the kids releasing the last of their energy, playing loudly into the night.

We are TOTALLY going to do this again, somewhat regularly. I don't have a good house for it, but Jessa and Josh (our hosts last night) do, and Jessa would love it if I helped her plan parties held at her house. We think we might do a costume event for the next one, where all the kids bring their costumes and go mad with dress up. I would like to bring some stuff for the adults to play with too.

It feels SO good to build community bonds with our close neighbors like this. I feel very blessed that there are so many amazing and wonderful people with children within a few blocks of us, and look forward to getting to know them more in the future.
 

I love when a night out at the bar includes conversation about things like the earth's magnetic poles flipping (and possibly fracturing and roaming for a period of time), and how that might affect birds and bees, and how science is so great but so inherently limited, and there's so much that we cannot measure or test that is nonetheless real. Good times.

Lyl and I are going to take advantage of the unseasonable warmth of this El Niño January and go camping overnight on an upcoming weekend, just the two of us and some dogs. This must happen, soon.

Aside from the titillating conversation and the occasional dancing, my night out was pretty mellow, which is just what I wanted. I did give my number out, but it was to a darling girl who works at the bar, and who takes her dog out a lot and would love some company. Yay.

I really enjoyed riding my bike home and making my own post-bar food. Last night it was falafel, with lots of veggies and so much hot sauce I sweated after eating it. It was perfect.

I spent the first half of the morning cuddling in bed with my cat Vida, and the second half cuddling on the couch with Kaia. I feel like an exercise in sweet self-indulgence. I think I needed some cuddling and down time this morning, so it's all good.
 

I think we might be getting a B.O.B. bike trailer!



This is something we've wanted for a long time. They run like $300, more if you get the dry sack for them, which we'd want, being year round bikers in Washington.

We found one on Craigslist from a guy who got one from a distributor like 5 years ago. It's been on one four mile bike ride, and has otherwise been in storage, in perfect condition. And it comes with a dry sack. And he's only asking $165.

We don't typically have that kind of cash laying around (yes, we are that poor), but we've been able to save up a little bit recently, for occasions such as this one, where we can get a really good deal on something we've wanted for a long time.

We may need to get a new fork for it so that it'll fit on Trey's 29er, but that's easy enough. Even though that part is $50, it still ends up being a fantastic deal. We're going to look at it tomorrow evening, cash in hand.

We don't spend a lot of money on many things, but having a good bike set up is very important to us, and we still pay less for our hardware than most people pay on car insurance and gas alone. Trey got a little bit of money from his family for his birthday and Christmas, and we used that to do some much needed repairs on both mine and Trey's Rockhounds, so we now have a full compliment of working bikes—5 bikes between Trey and I, plus Jaden's bike, River's (which he won't ride), the Burley trailer, the flatbed trailer, and soon, hopefully, a B.O.B.! The thing that tickles me about having so much gear is we use it all, regularly, except River's bike. Working on that.
 

After a cranky afternoon yesterday and a near miss with a migraine last night, I am doing much better. Trey was very good to me last night, giving me space while I did my best to hold my tongue and work through my own shit.

I haven't been doing enough body work on myself. My neck and upper back tension are through the roof. It's easy enough to maintain like that, to almost hold myself together using the tension, but as soon as it starts to unravel, that's when I'm in for it. I worked on myself last night, and managed to keep a post-stress migraine from going full blown.

I have been smoking too much. Soooo not good for me. I only want to smoke if I can keep it to a content minimum, and I have completely lost sight of that in the past month or so. It's so easy to slip back into bad habits. I have cut back again over the past few days and already feel better.

The kids are here today, and it's gorgeous outside. I should probably take them out, but I'm still feeling a bit fragile and have a lot of cooking to do, so I might just toss them into the front yard and lock the door. ;)
 

Ugh, I am in a bad mood today. Probably mostly due to rage inducing (and headache inducing) hormones, but whatever the cause, it's a good thing I spent most of the day alone. Pretty much every interaction I had with humans today was frustrating or disappointing. Oh well. Good time to be alone.

I did get to have a nice, long chat with my long lost gay boyfriend, a bright spot in an otherwise grumpy day. Among other things, he invited me to come out dancing with him in Seattle so that he can show me his sexy dance moves (the last time we danced was YEARS ago). I can even stay in his dorm afterward, which just sounds so collegiate! He's going to Bastyr (and graduating soon, and I am very proud of him). I would enjoy popping onto their campus for a bit.

Anyway, back to the bad mood at hand—I hope I can get this shit out of my system before I have the boys all day tomorrow, since they're on holiday from school.

I'm going to go take a long, hot bath and hope for the best.
 

Everyone is okay, but the school bus the boys were on got rear ended by a car today. Not sure how the driver of that car is doing, but all the kids on the bus got by with minor bumps and bruises, as far as I know. Sounds like the car hit them pretty hard too. Kids flew out of their seats, stuff like that.

The school called all the parents who had kids on that bus and had us come down and check out our kids, then decide if they were okay to go back into class. The boys were both fine, until River heard that some kids were getting to go home... then his hand started hurting pretty bad. ;)

I hope there's an article about it in the paper. I would like some more details.

I love men and I love that they are attracted to me, but goddamn if they don't all seem to want to fuck right away. I am simply not into that.

Don't get me wrong, I want to fuck some of them too, but if they can't entertain me without their cock for at least a few dates, it ain't going to happen.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I thought you could kiss someone and even make out a bit the first time without the implication of sex. I am tiring of this mightily.

Maybe I should be looking for a girlfriend instead.
 

It has been a wonderful day already, and we're not done yet.

We left the airport at 1:00 a.m. last night. The boys were able to wake up just enough to be excited to see us and the dogs. Dan chatted away happily about what a great trip they had while I drowsily tried to keep up. Once he left our place, the boys were wide awake and wanted to play, so I sat with them for a half hour or so, until the night retook them into the embrace of slumber. It was delightful, really.

The kids and I all awoke at 9:00, happy and refreshed. We had a lovely morning. We made blueberry banana waffles, which the kids said were the best ever. They weren't, but I think they were happy to have their mama's cooking again.

While down south, Jaden developed an affinity for cold cut sandwiches. I have fed them tuna before, but nothing more. I don't mind if they eat meat, but I prefer that it's good meat, and even though I don't eat the stuff, I'm in a good place to educate them on the matter. Last night I picked up some local smoked turkey deli meat, which the boys relished for their lunch.

We have spent most of the day cuddling, loving, laughing, and talking. Jaden has, of course, been naked all day, something he was unable to do while traveling. The boys let me take a short nap while they played on their own. It's continually amazing to me that they're old enough to allow me such liberties.

I spoke to Trey on the phone this afternoon as he was leaving work. As I got off the phone, River asked if I had been speaking to Trey. I said yes, and that he was coming home soon. Riv heaved a wistful, relaxed sigh, and said, "Good."

I waited until Trey got home and we'd all settled into our rhythm before telling the kids about Esmerelda. The conversation went beautifully, even better than I could have expected. I have been in a very good place lately. I feel full of perspective, just the right balance between the emotive side of my life and the intellectual/analytical. I am able to find that place of peace in myself, then help others in whatever way they might need.

The kids were saddened to hear of Ezzie's passing, of course, but we quickly spoke of the poor state she was in when we got her, and the good life we were able to give her, the love that we had for her. We related the situation to Samson, who has been increasingly struggling as he succumbs to old age. We spoke of the relativity of life spans, and how Sam is becoming an old man; how lucky we are to get to love him in ways he needs, and how we want to all be sure to take advantage of the time we have left with him, especially right now when he needs extra love and consideration. We spoke of Coco's burial, and what a beautiful experience that was. I told the boys how the ground was frozen when Esmerelda died, and that we wanted them there for her burial anyway, so she is in the freezer and we will bury her in the warmth of this week. The boys are looking forward to a celebration like the one we had when we put Coco's body to rest.

Then we started talking about giving healing, loving energy to those in need. I told them that Samson has been extra needy of energy work from me lately, and told the boys about how they could help with that too. River gets in funks sometimes and needs a little help climbing out of it. I have found simplified ways to explain the ways that we can control the energy inside of us. I tell him that sometimes we have bad energy inside of us that needs to come out, and that there's beautiful energy in the world around us that we can pull from whenever we need it. Sometimes I help him release the bad energy in him and take in the good through the laying on of hands and shared desire to let that happen. He thinks it's magic. I tell him that it's a magic trick that anyone with awareness and desire can learn to master, at least for themselves, and possibly for their favorite dog too. I am happy to help him learn what it's like to heal yourself.

Then Jaden and I talked about energy and physics. I tried to give a scientific explanation for some of my quirkier beliefs about humans and energy, which included discussion of biochemical reactions and the potential energy field those things might create. Jaden correlated the discussion to astrophysics, and expressed frustration over his lack of comprehension on how matter and energy truly work. I told him that most eight year olds wouldn't be capable of having a conversation like this AT ALL, and that the fact he could keep up some was amazing, and that he'd understand more each time we talk about such things.

Then we all cuddled in a big pile on the couch.

I should go prep for our pizza night some more. River already cut all the olives for me.

I can't even tell you how nice it is to have them home again.
 

The kids should be home by now, but their flight was delayed, then delayed again. They won't get in until almost 1:00 a.m. I hope they can crash on the plane a bit.

I guess they won't be going to school tomorrow. I don't mind, except that they have a really cool field trip planned to the American Museum of Radio and Electricity. The trip doesn't start until noon, so perhaps they'll be ready to go downtown for that, at least. I would relish a bike ride with them upon their return.

To celebrate their homecoming, it's pizza night tomorrow night. At some point, I'm going to have to tell them about Esmerelda too. It's been odd keeping this news from them, but I feel it's for the best. I miss her tonight.

Trey and I had a great night catching up. Everything is very good between us.

I have also managed to snatch a few moments with T. I think we will get used to making the most of the time we can find.