Yesterday Tory and I had plans for an adventure. We were going to go to Skagit County to harvest nettles, and it occurred to me that we'd be going right past the nude beach on Chuckanut, so we were going to stop there on the way back. Unfortunately, he had written his work schedule down wrong, so right after we woke up, he realised he had to go in to work until 3:00. It was a bit sad at first, but the timing worked out beautifully. When he got home, we were so, so thrilled to see each other, and we started our journey with ebullience.
Our first stop was the nude beach, which he'd never been to before, though he once had a very powerful experience at that turnout on Chuckanut, so it was awesome that I was taking him back to that same place, and beyond. The beach was GLORIOUS. Yes, the water was cold, but I acclimated to it like nothing, and swam quite a bit. I washed my hair with baking soda in the ocean, and made myself a crown from seaweed, calling myself the Queen of the Sea. We took the first photos of the two of us. We really love this one.
As we were preparing to leave, a train went by, winding its way up the narrow strip between the beach and the foothills. The bend where we were situated made the cars sing strange and beautiful songs. Tory sat watching and listening, and I watched him watching, and he was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Then we went down to the Padilla Bay trail to harvest nettles. I love foraging, and he is totally into it. He says he will always go with me. We had a really nice experience there, and got lots and lots of nettles. I was quite the chatterbox on the trail, and he just soaked it up. I don't know how it is that I don't drive him crazy, but he just loves it, and loves me.
When we got home, we made some delicious food, much of which I'd prepared the night before, teasing and bantering with each other the whole while. It was the first time I really cooked for him. He was very much pleased, and looks forward to future foodstuffs with me. He doesn't cook as intensively as I do, but he loves prepping veggies and washing dishes. I don't know how I got so lucky. He's so good with me, AND he does dishes.
Then we finally retired to "the cave." His room mostly has his musical equipment in it, but he has a huge walk in closet which he converted into a loft bed. It. Is. Awesome. One of my favorite places in the entire world, especially when he's cozied up in there with me. We loved on each other for hours. It was intimate and loving and straight up fun. I don't think I've ever smiled so much during sex as I do with him. Physically, things work great, but the real magic is in the emotions/spirit. He is all about the connection, and we play with that connection all the time. He is so good at it. It is incredibly intimate, and loving, and good for both of us.
I have implied this, but not come out and said it, so here it is. Trey and I finally decided to stop trying to salvage our relationship. We have been holding on for far too long, and we knew that, but we just weren't able to walk away. We were so close to that at the end of last summer, and damn, we should have just done it, but both chose to keep trying. While it is sad and hard in a lot of ways, I also feel relieved. We were no longer healthy in each other's lives. Perhaps once we've worked through the challenges of the transition, we can find ways to healthfully interact. We'll see.
In the meantime, things are getting incredibly awkward for Tory at work, since, well, Trey is his boss. Like, Trey is the one who formally introduced us, when we were working together at a Co-op community party. When Tory and I first started talking, he was asking if it would be okay to hang out with me, since he didn't want an awkward workplace. I told him it'd be fine, which has always been the case. Of course, I didn't realise then that he was going to swoop in and steal me away. It's not like Trey and I broke up because of Tory (it's really been a long, long time coming) but yeah, he had a little something to do with giving me the insight and courage to walk away. So. Things are weird at work, and I would feel bad for Tory except for the fact that we are so blessed to love each other like this, we have no regrets. I am sorry that it's harder on Trey than it would be otherwise, but I really do think he is a capable person and will be able to move past this.
Several people already know what is going on, and the magic between Tory and I is undeniable, and we have no intention of hiding it, so we just went ahead and came out with it. I'm sure some people are viewing that as tacky or insensitive, but to be honest, I don't really care. It's what's happening, it's reality, and I don't think there's anything to gain from sheltering people from the truth. I've always been too honest for a lot of people, but it's what feels right to me. This all feels so right.