Things are so, so good. Tory and I continue to fall deeper in love.… - My secret life of indiscreet discretions


cordelia_sue wrote:

May 9th, 2013 - 01:16 pm

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Things are so, so good. Tory and I continue to fall deeper in love. This is IT, for the rest of my life.

I've had many adventures since I last wrote. I can't even tell you all of them, but I want to write at least some of them down. Apologies for the long post, but it's been a while. Believe me, this isn't even the half of it. Skim! Haha.

Last week I got to join my dear friend Ross for a visit to a wildlife educational facility, Predators of the Heart, where I met a whole lot of different creatures, and got to touch a fox, several wolves, a cougar, a softshell turtle, an alligator, a king cobra, a rattlesnake, and a gila monster! There were 16 wolves there, and at times, the whole pack would start howling. It was unearthly, like nothing I've ever experienced. Ross is friends with Dave, the man who runs the place, and I got a private tour, facilitated by the wild blueberry pie that I brought for Dave. I didn't get the greatest photos, but you can nonetheless see them here.

I also got to bring home our garden turtle, Rigoberto, which is awesome. He is so beautiful! I got a raccoon-proof enclosure built for him within the two days after he came home. I'm pretty sure Ross loaned Rigoberto to me so that I would know how much I wanted a box turtle at the homestead. And now I already have the damn enclosure, haha. Everyone in the family and the neighborhood loves Rigoberto. I've probably met around 500 turtles in the past year, and he is the coolest one I've ever met, and so fucking beautiful!

We got invited to go back to Predators of the Heart with Ross next week, and I get to bring the kids, Tory, and Trey. We are all so excited. The facility is really close to Deception Pass, so we're going to head over there afterward and have a picnic. The day is going to be epic, for sure.

This past week, Tory and I got our shop set up, and we started making waves for the automata last night. We are both so excited and happy about it. I love the work, and could make more money doing that than pretty much anything else I could do, plus I could do it on my own timeline, piecemeal, whenever I have a moment. Plus, they're beautiful. It's so awesome.

The kids are super excited about it too. Once we get back from our road trip, we're going to teach the kids the process, and they're going to help make one for them to each keep. They're both fascinated, but River in particular is captivated by them. I can almost hear the little gears in his head turning at the possibilities.

River has been doing so well lately. He has had his hard times, but goddamn if he isn't at peace right now, or as close as he comes to it. I know that part of it is that he's so connected with me, and I'm in such a good place. We all love Tory so much, and he's added to our lives in just the ways that we've needed.

Last Sunday after Tory got off work, we all went down to the nude beach along Chuckanut for a refreshing dip in the ocean. Trey even took a couple hours off work to join us. We had a blast. The water was still quite cold, but Alder and I in particular didn't mind. We were both in the water for at least an hour. Then we came home, made roasted chickpea and vegetable fajitas, and drank (a bit too much) tequila. Fun.

While at the beach, I "found" some sharp barnacle covered rocks with my knees. It didn't hurt at all, partly because I was numb, partly because salt water is so cleansing, but they were bleeding pretty good. The rivulets of blood running down my legs in the channels of salt water looked beautiful. We didn't have a real camera, but snapped a nice photo with Tory's phone.

I feel the strong urge to go and give blood sometime soon. I feel like I have so much power and beauty in my life, I want to give what I can to help others.

Tory wrote another song about us, Nervousness Gift. I think it might be my favorite about us yet. He might not be recording for a little while in the upcoming busyness, which I'm already missing more than I would have thought, but he's planning to release an EP of the songs he's written about us. I am so touched that I've become his muse.

We leave for our road trip to Tahoe in two weeks! There is so much to do between now and then, but I feel good about getting things done. When we get back, he'll be moved into this house with me, though Trey will still be living here with us through the end of the summer or so. It'll all work out. We get along well together, like family.

Tory and I were trying to figure out where he was going to set up his recording studio, and last night he suggested the space underneath our loft bed, which is the best use for that space that I could possibly imagine. I am so charmed at the thought of him making music underneath our bed.

This weekend is going to be a big one for me. Tomorrow, Tory and I are heading to Vancouver to see the last Apollo Ghosts show ever, and we'll head back on Saturday, at which point Trey and I are taking off to Seattle to see IAMX, which I am also very excited about. It'll be a lot of travel and a lot of music, but I can handle it. The only hard part will be being apart from Tory.

Neither one of us has ever wanted to be with someone else so constantly, but it works so well for us. We adore each other and are so, so happy together. I am so looking forward to living together, which will make it even easier to have productive independent work and play while still being close. We will still work together a lot, growing food, cooking, and making the automata, among other things, but we'll have our own projects too. It's gonna be so good. We're going to have such a great life together.

Interestingly, I got a text from Rob late last night, the first contact that we've had in over five months. "Nostalgia galore. Miss you. Hope you're well."

I replied this morning, "I'm kind of surprised to hear from you now. I thought it was gonna happen a month ago. Ha. I hope you're well too. Things are great for me. I met the love of my life and am so fulfilled. We're about to go on a roadtrip to his parent's house in Tahoe, and when we get back, he's moving in with me. We're monogamous, even, and I'm so, so happy about it. The kids are doing fantastic too. Summer is coming, food us growing, been swimming in the ocean and smiling a lot."

I don't know if I'll hear back from him and I don't much care one way or the other, though to be honest, I do miss his son a lot, and I suppose I wouldn't mind being friends with Rob, which is weird, but okay. It helps a lot that I have less than zero temptation to ever be "involved" with him again. For all that he has his issues, I did really care about him, and I wish him the best, whatever happens. I also know that if we were ever to be in contact again, I wouldn't have any problem setting healthy boundaries. I'm sure even his friendship could be destructive for me if I were to let him in too much. I've had other exes in the past who were unhealthy for me for a long time, so we took a long break from contact (sometimes for years), then we became friends again and it was good. Lighter, and different, but good.

It's kind of strange to be so totally and completely in love with someone, like, more love than all the love I've ever felt in my entire life up to this point, yet still be getting to know him. Today I am overwhelmed with understanding for who he is, and total, complete, unconditional love. I get him like few people ever have, and he gets me too. We're still figuring out what that means, but it is fantastic.

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Date:2013-05-10 06:29 am (UTC)
you are really great i hope your legs healed ok :)
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Date:2013-05-10 08:11 am (UTC)
you sound so happy, it makes me smile to read this.
i'd like to give blood some time too as well, also because i'm mildly curious about what my blood type is. i've joined a donor list so i can hopefully help someone after i'm gone.

hope your knees are better, and your turtle is gorgeous! omg i really want one. x
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